It really does get better!

I feel the need to go further back in time to better help you understand my journey and it is a LONG journey so please, bear with me…

In 1966, Fresno, California, was the year that I started Kindergarten. Now if you don’t mind my saying so, I was very cute as a kid growing up, I see that now but didn’t know to look at myself that way. But there was never a loss of having girls like me and wanting to hold my hand. But I wouldn’t have any of it. It was my teacher, a very beautiful lady, whose name

escapes me just now, whom I had a crush on from the first day of school. She had a very neatly combed
hairdo and wore the fashions of the day. I would do everything she wanted us to do and beyond to get a good
grade in class. I was the first person in class to get a gold star for learning how to tie my shoe… LOL

But there was someone else that I really liked. It was a boy. His name was Will. We were buddies for 2 years. We would go swimming at the local Public swimming pool and play for hours at the community center. There was always something to do to keep us occupied. Again I had another crush. Two to be exact both were our swimming instructors. One was a beautiful girl who had a very curvy body another was an older boy who had a very tight and trim body. It was very confusing to me how I could have these feelings. I just let them wander and not think about it after classes were over. Will and I never talked about that, but we did talk about other girls that were in our class.

I was raised in a Catholic household. It was in first grade when I started to go to Sunday school and to catechism on Wednesdays after school. I went to bible study classes and learned the life of Jesus Christ and the words of the God as written in the Holy Bible. I said my prayers and asked God for His guidance in every instance that I felt I needed His help.

I was scared of the Devil as was professed by the nuns in church classes that I should be if I was to live a holy life and be saved from the fires of hell. I was so scared that I would have dreams of our neighborhood children being chased by the devil around the fence of our house. I would wake up sweating with the blankets pulled over my head hoping that the Devil wouldn’t peak under the covers and chase me too.

Man was the message pounded into my head! Be a good Christian, and I did everything I could possibly do as a young human being living a life of love and obedience, only it didn’t make any sense to me. I did everything right but I was still having feeling that I couldn’t explain.

I had always gotten along with just about everybody making friends easily as the years went by and changes continued to take place. All of us playing in the schoolyard and then back home in the neighborhood street learning to ride bikes and play marbles. But then there was this one incident that happened that year of

second grade. There was a girl I liked named Lorie. She had a good friend named Rita. They were almost always together unless we were all is class. Rita wasn’t in our homeroom class so that’s when Lorie and I would talk. I told Lorie that I really liked her and wanted to be my girlfriend. She didn’t give me an answer.

After class that day Will and I were walking across the school yard towards the gate looking at each other as we talked about who knows what. We were almost to the back gate when we heard someone yelling, “Rita, Rita”. When we both looked towards the fence here came Rita stomping her white patent leather shoes directly towards. Her pink short flared dress swayed madly back and forth, her short black hair curled at the ends swooping up towards the sky with a white bow pinned in her part bobbed up and down. “Rita, Rita”, I could see Rita’s mom calling to her from her car beyond the fence and gate. “Rita, you get back here!” she demanded.

Just as Rita had reached us she stood feet wide apart put both hands on her hips cocked her arm back and slapped me right across the cheek. “That’s because you like my friend Lorie and not me! “ Then she turned around and stomped back towards her mom giggling waiting at the car. “Rita you get back here right now!” I was mortified

What? What did I do? Was she jealous because I had asked Lorie to be my girlfriend? I never found out. But I made sure not to allow myself to get between two best girlfriends again!

By second grade we moved to a new house in a different part of the city and started classes at a new elementary school. I liked my teacher Mrs. McNairy. She was a great teacher and made studying fun.
I became very involved in after school activities. Track and field Arts and crafts. I even started to mentor younger students that were new to the after school program.

I was also very busy with my bible study classes. My younger brother coming with me to some of the same classes as he got older. I had studied hard and finally made it to my first communion by the end of second grade. I was well on my way to being a servant of Christ.

More in a couple of days...

Change is good!

Hi all,

It's been way overdue to make another posting to my blog. I initially used this tool to keep my family and friends around the world up to date on my health and recovery from open heart surgery for which I will have my 3 year commemora this February 26th. Thankful to say, the surgery is a success and my heart is still as full of love as ever, even if it is a bit of plastic in parts bit it in no way creates a blockage of allowing love to flow freely! And this blog was a terrific way to share the event of real life happenings of what one experiences in such a life altering ordeal.

So now I'm continuing with my blog to continue to share with family and friends from around the world especially since I'll be living in a new country next year. So this will be a perfect tool to continue to share my life with all of my familiar friends as well as new friends that I have met and will meet on my continued journey in this lifetime.

Over the past few months I have been guided to open up my life to share intimate details of what my journey has been and how much having faith in God. Family, friends and strangers alike. What has amazed me more than anything is that people appreciate when someone can open their heart and stand naked as it were, to show exactly who they are and not be ashamed by what life has served up onto their plate.

With that said, mine has been a plate so full at times that I could feel the pressure threatening to burst my belly button way open. But thankfully I've been fortunate enough to know when to reel myself in and to take control of those things that I could and to pray to God for strength and will to go the distance in time of strife and disparity.

This first of many post to follow is in response to my high school friends question on my Facebook page. Another reason to ask questions when making one line remarks or post since so few words can leave much to interpretation and misunderstandings. But this time my dear friend Phyllis gave me the permission and guidance, of which I was already prompted to do by my intuition, i.e. God's voice on my heart, to share my story from the start. So here goes...

It was in 1983, I was working in Reno at Harrah's Hotel and Casino dancing in a cabaret show called "Hot Streak". It was one of the best shows I had ever seen. Full of fast moves and funky music and beautiful dancers. It was a small cast of 12 dancers along with the header act The Fercos of which was comprised of a family of 4. We did 2 shows a night and 3 on alternating Fridays and Saturday. We shared the stage in tow hour shift with such star bands and musical groups as "Peaches and Herb", "Paul Revere and the Raiders", "The Tower of Power" and of course "The Mamas and the Papas". It was with this last group that I had learned of the death of my friend Charles De La Barra. Charles was a good friend of mine but I hadn't been in contact for over a year.

It was McKenzie Phillips who shared the news with me. She and Chuck had been close friends in Hollywood for years. We were all sitting at the cabaret bar after the show when she laid the news on me after asking how Chuck was. "Chuck died, didn't you know that?" She started to cry when she told me how horrible his death was. Withering away to nothing and having the life sucked out of him as the HIV virus took over his body.

I was scared! I was numb, Then I just zoned out. He was the first man that I was ever intimate with. I knew deep in my heart that I had been infected with the HIV virus. What was I going to do? How could I go on living my life knowing that in the back of my mind that I might have infected others? How was I supposed to live with the thought that I might die?

Shortly there after the first of many test of will and perseverance would present itself to me.

more to follow...

Something to help keep everything else in perspective

My Aunt sent me this and I got a big kick out of it. Hope it brings a smile to your faces!
I edited in some photos, the ones of here are not HER... This is for FUN only...

XOXO, Jesse

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine ...

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
__________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!



Feel Free to share this site with a friend or anyone who needs to laugh. We all need a good laugh after all. Music for the soul! Love and Light, Jesse

On the serious side of this all is that we really need to watch out health by what we eat. Bless everything that we eat and focus on only positive energy whenever we are doing something for ourselves, loved ones, be it a family member, friend or our pets. Do everything we do with LOVE, it will be felt in every bite that is eaten of the home made dinner that we've prepared, Note that we wrote, or just words conveyed.

LOVE is all POWERFUL!

XOXO Jesse

Thanks for the LOVE!

So many of you have touched my heart with your messages of love and remembrances of Rudy and all three of our little furry companions.

Here is the one photo that I had hoped to post of Rudy, Cody and Athena in a Christmas card that John and I had put together, wow, 7 years ago. I didn't have access to it while on the road and without even telling anyone, except for John and Brett about it, my sister Punkin, always moved by Spirit, sent it to me so I am sharing it with all of you as one last testimony of how much joy our pets bring to us.

I will also take this time to let you know that Brett was offered a job to dance for one of the Top ten Ballet Dance companies in the world, the Netherlands Dance Theater. He is slated to start with them mid August so this springs performance with Lines Ballet will be his last and the last chance that we'll be able to see him in SF. He will be touring in Northern California sometime next year performing in Berkeley so we will have opportunity to see him gracing the stage with his amazing talent, but please if you can come see Lines April 17-26th.

Once again thanks for all the love and care and words of comfort in our loss of Rudy but he, Cody and Athena will forever bring smiles to our face and warmth to our hearts!

Love and Light, Jesse

Rudy's transitioned

Our Little Rudy has gone to doggie heaven. He had a seizure last night and had to be put to sleep. He was 16 1/2 year old. He had a great life and gave lots of joy to all who knew him. As I was reminded “Rudy was an unpretentious bundle of Love touching everyone’s life who met him.

His soulful eyes were unlike any dog I’d ever known. “It’s like he’s a person” people would say.

I got Rudy as a gift in 1993 from my BF Mark Smith when we lived in NYC. He was a curious little dog who would gallop like a pony whenever he had a toy or ball to play with. He never barked and never growled or said a mean thing to anyone. He would love strangers, friends and family all the same. Love unconditionally. That’s what he did and that was something that he reminded me to do every day of my life.
He had his share of tough battles his whole life. He was born with epilepsy, which I discovered when he was 2 years old. It freaked him and me out the first time he had a seizure. He got very disoriented and it would take me some time to let him be reassured that he would be ok. Eventually giving him medication would help to keep his seizures in check.

He was twice attacked by a pit bull, hit by a car, stolen then returned 2 days later. He had food allergies for which I had to watch that he wouldn’t eat red meat but if he got the chance he would devour an entire roll of Rolo Chocolates and Red Vines if I weren’t watching.

He had developed congestive heart disease the last couple of year and was on medication for that too. Needless to say I was the typical over protective parent when it came to his care.
Rudy and I have had lots of great times with many friends from all over the world. My Dear friend Robbie Browne in NYC was one such person with whom Rudy and I had the pleasure of creating memories. Taking a great ride along the Long Island expressway with the top down on Robbie’s 54 convertible was a special treat. Rudy loved his eyebrows blowing in the wind with one paw on the back of the drivers seat and the other on Robbie’s shoulder.


Rudy has been there for me through all of my life’s battles and triumphs. Dealing with health issues, relationships, family, travels and career. He always made me realize how blessed I really was to have him in my life reminding me that there are things in life more important than anything material could bring.


I need to thank my dear friend Doug Graham for being there on Rudy’s last day. Doug has known Rudy since he was a 1 year old pup in NYC. Doug came up from Palm Springs to care for Rudy and Bitsy while I've been away working. He's had the unfortunate but blessed opportunity to take Rudy on the journey to doggie heaven. It breaks my heart that I couldn’t be there to assist with Rudy’s transition but I guess that Rudy was already clearly absent since his last seizure 2 years ago from which he never fully recovered. Maybe this was Rudy’s opening to help me to let him go.

He will be greatly missed. John has been a great daddy to Rudy. He has helped me care for Rudy even while our relationship evolved, Brett too has taken to role of stepfather taking the extra care needed to help Rudy down the stairs to potty and for long late night walks.

Rudy I love you and you will always be in my heart and a part of my soul!



Love and Light, Jesse

January 2010

Here we are in a new year and a new decade. One that I feel is going to bring lots of change and growth in so many positive ways!

It seems as though Spirit has been moving a lot of loving, positive energy through so

many people this past year. Many of you, my close family and friends, have found renewed faith

and energy in a Power greater than any one of us. It's a Power that is strengthened by bringing us all closer together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTbpuQzMnxA

This last year has made me appreciate even more, all the

challenges that I’ve had to deal with in my life. Having to face life threatening illness, having to deal with life altering accidents, having to adjust to taking life saving medications, life after several surgical procedures, the loss of loved ones, changes within relationships while still being able to maintain and build a friendship to be even stronger than before.

Almost anyone else would have just let go and succumbed to the path of least resistance, but it is my spiritual beliefs that help keep it all in check.

All is going very well with me. My personal training career is growing faster now and I’ve been learning a lot of the business side of owning my own personal training business. Let me tell you, it’s a lot of work! Not only have I had to create my own website and learn about advertising, but I also have to keep tight records for each client. Everything needs to be documented. It’s like working in a doctor’s office.

Being certified as a personal trainer also necessitates having to take continuing education courses (CEU’s). It’s required for my certification and it’s a requirement by Diakadi Body where I work exclusively with my clients. Each year I have to have 1.2 CEU’s for Diakadi and a total of 2.0 CEU’s for my NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine) certification.

This is all good because I want to be one of the best in the field of Personal Training, and that’s a tall bill to fill. Everyone at Diakadi is so proficient in personal training because the owners of Diakadi (Billy and Mike) demand such and for that I am especially thrilled that I have been blessed to be a part of their team. I’ve been learning of many different styles of exercise, different teaching techniques, as well as how to use all the different apparatus that are available. It’s an exciting time to be a personal trainer. Helping people recover from injuries, surgery, helping to correct years of postural misalignment, or to just getting into better shape and setting themselves up for a life of optimum health and wellness for the long run! I love his work!

In October I was asked by Muttville.org to foster a rescue dog. I was walking Rudy down the street in front of the home of the organizations founder. She said that there was a little girl schnauzer that was coming to her that evening that looked like Rudy and that I should come meet her. So I returned that evening with Brett. We left with the little girl, Bitsy, agreeing to “foster” her to see how Rudy got along with her. She has actually helped Rudy to focus his 16+ years old eyes and has helped keep the spring in his step keeping his body moving in the right direction. Needless to say she’s a sweetheart and we adopted her November 25^th, just in time for Thanksgiving Holiday.

Brett and I drove down to Palm Springs to celebrate Thanksgiving with John, Rudy and Bitsy. John is doing and looking great by the way. John’s dad, Paul, and his girlfriend Jo, came to spend the rest of that weekend with the 5 of us. We had a great time and enjoyed the last of the warm weather of the year. We even had a fun trip to Home Depot that weekend too… lol.

Please hold positive healing thoughts and prayers for Jo’s health as she has been receiving treatments to rid her body of Cancer. She’s a wonderful woman and I’m so glad that we had a chance to spend some more time with her and Paul and John!

We’ve all got so much to share in this life and this is a great time to be alive. Don’t just listen to all the negative shatter that’s out there. Look beyond that and look deep into your heart. Slow down and quiet your self. Take 5 minutes to breathe deeply in though your nostrils and our through your mouth. Keep doing this as you focus on your breath and free your mind of all thoughts. Then after 5 minutes listen to what your mind is telling you. Write out your thoughts. Write from your own experiences. Maybe there are some things that you have written that you hadn’t realized. Maybe there are some thoughts that you can share with others. Don’t just follow, lead by example.

A great story that was recently shared with me by my niece Nena was of my dad. When she was young my dad showed her how to pour coke-a-cola into a glass so that it wouldn’t foam over. She shared that knowledge with her granddaughter. And just this past weekend she paid a visit to her granddaughter with whom she went to a restaurant. He granddaughter orders a can of coke. She poured it into her glass and said. “See grandma, just like grandpa showed you.”

It’s not what you do but how you do it that you’ll be remembered for.

Whether it’s on a daily basis or just on the periphery I am blessed to have you all in my life. We are all a part of one earth, one universe and ultimately power that is available in us and to us all.

In the health and wellness or on the path to being whole I send you Love and Light.

Always, Jesse