It really does get better!

I feel the need to go further back in time to better help you understand my journey and it is a LONG journey so please, bear with me…

In 1966, Fresno, California, was the year that I started Kindergarten. Now if you don’t mind my saying so, I was very cute as a kid growing up, I see that now but didn’t know to look at myself that way. But there was never a loss of having girls like me and wanting to hold my hand. But I wouldn’t have any of it. It was my teacher, a very beautiful lady, whose name

escapes me just now, whom I had a crush on from the first day of school. She had a very neatly combed
hairdo and wore the fashions of the day. I would do everything she wanted us to do and beyond to get a good
grade in class. I was the first person in class to get a gold star for learning how to tie my shoe… LOL

But there was someone else that I really liked. It was a boy. His name was Will. We were buddies for 2 years. We would go swimming at the local Public swimming pool and play for hours at the community center. There was always something to do to keep us occupied. Again I had another crush. Two to be exact both were our swimming instructors. One was a beautiful girl who had a very curvy body another was an older boy who had a very tight and trim body. It was very confusing to me how I could have these feelings. I just let them wander and not think about it after classes were over. Will and I never talked about that, but we did talk about other girls that were in our class.

I was raised in a Catholic household. It was in first grade when I started to go to Sunday school and to catechism on Wednesdays after school. I went to bible study classes and learned the life of Jesus Christ and the words of the God as written in the Holy Bible. I said my prayers and asked God for His guidance in every instance that I felt I needed His help.

I was scared of the Devil as was professed by the nuns in church classes that I should be if I was to live a holy life and be saved from the fires of hell. I was so scared that I would have dreams of our neighborhood children being chased by the devil around the fence of our house. I would wake up sweating with the blankets pulled over my head hoping that the Devil wouldn’t peak under the covers and chase me too.

Man was the message pounded into my head! Be a good Christian, and I did everything I could possibly do as a young human being living a life of love and obedience, only it didn’t make any sense to me. I did everything right but I was still having feeling that I couldn’t explain.

I had always gotten along with just about everybody making friends easily as the years went by and changes continued to take place. All of us playing in the schoolyard and then back home in the neighborhood street learning to ride bikes and play marbles. But then there was this one incident that happened that year of

second grade. There was a girl I liked named Lorie. She had a good friend named Rita. They were almost always together unless we were all is class. Rita wasn’t in our homeroom class so that’s when Lorie and I would talk. I told Lorie that I really liked her and wanted to be my girlfriend. She didn’t give me an answer.

After class that day Will and I were walking across the school yard towards the gate looking at each other as we talked about who knows what. We were almost to the back gate when we heard someone yelling, “Rita, Rita”. When we both looked towards the fence here came Rita stomping her white patent leather shoes directly towards. Her pink short flared dress swayed madly back and forth, her short black hair curled at the ends swooping up towards the sky with a white bow pinned in her part bobbed up and down. “Rita, Rita”, I could see Rita’s mom calling to her from her car beyond the fence and gate. “Rita, you get back here!” she demanded.

Just as Rita had reached us she stood feet wide apart put both hands on her hips cocked her arm back and slapped me right across the cheek. “That’s because you like my friend Lorie and not me! “ Then she turned around and stomped back towards her mom giggling waiting at the car. “Rita you get back here right now!” I was mortified

What? What did I do? Was she jealous because I had asked Lorie to be my girlfriend? I never found out. But I made sure not to allow myself to get between two best girlfriends again!

By second grade we moved to a new house in a different part of the city and started classes at a new elementary school. I liked my teacher Mrs. McNairy. She was a great teacher and made studying fun.
I became very involved in after school activities. Track and field Arts and crafts. I even started to mentor younger students that were new to the after school program.

I was also very busy with my bible study classes. My younger brother coming with me to some of the same classes as he got older. I had studied hard and finally made it to my first communion by the end of second grade. I was well on my way to being a servant of Christ.

More in a couple of days...

Change is good!

Hi all,

It's been way overdue to make another posting to my blog. I initially used this tool to keep my family and friends around the world up to date on my health and recovery from open heart surgery for which I will have my 3 year commemora this February 26th. Thankful to say, the surgery is a success and my heart is still as full of love as ever, even if it is a bit of plastic in parts bit it in no way creates a blockage of allowing love to flow freely! And this blog was a terrific way to share the event of real life happenings of what one experiences in such a life altering ordeal.

So now I'm continuing with my blog to continue to share with family and friends from around the world especially since I'll be living in a new country next year. So this will be a perfect tool to continue to share my life with all of my familiar friends as well as new friends that I have met and will meet on my continued journey in this lifetime.

Over the past few months I have been guided to open up my life to share intimate details of what my journey has been and how much having faith in God. Family, friends and strangers alike. What has amazed me more than anything is that people appreciate when someone can open their heart and stand naked as it were, to show exactly who they are and not be ashamed by what life has served up onto their plate.

With that said, mine has been a plate so full at times that I could feel the pressure threatening to burst my belly button way open. But thankfully I've been fortunate enough to know when to reel myself in and to take control of those things that I could and to pray to God for strength and will to go the distance in time of strife and disparity.

This first of many post to follow is in response to my high school friends question on my Facebook page. Another reason to ask questions when making one line remarks or post since so few words can leave much to interpretation and misunderstandings. But this time my dear friend Phyllis gave me the permission and guidance, of which I was already prompted to do by my intuition, i.e. God's voice on my heart, to share my story from the start. So here goes...

It was in 1983, I was working in Reno at Harrah's Hotel and Casino dancing in a cabaret show called "Hot Streak". It was one of the best shows I had ever seen. Full of fast moves and funky music and beautiful dancers. It was a small cast of 12 dancers along with the header act The Fercos of which was comprised of a family of 4. We did 2 shows a night and 3 on alternating Fridays and Saturday. We shared the stage in tow hour shift with such star bands and musical groups as "Peaches and Herb", "Paul Revere and the Raiders", "The Tower of Power" and of course "The Mamas and the Papas". It was with this last group that I had learned of the death of my friend Charles De La Barra. Charles was a good friend of mine but I hadn't been in contact for over a year.

It was McKenzie Phillips who shared the news with me. She and Chuck had been close friends in Hollywood for years. We were all sitting at the cabaret bar after the show when she laid the news on me after asking how Chuck was. "Chuck died, didn't you know that?" She started to cry when she told me how horrible his death was. Withering away to nothing and having the life sucked out of him as the HIV virus took over his body.

I was scared! I was numb, Then I just zoned out. He was the first man that I was ever intimate with. I knew deep in my heart that I had been infected with the HIV virus. What was I going to do? How could I go on living my life knowing that in the back of my mind that I might have infected others? How was I supposed to live with the thought that I might die?

Shortly there after the first of many test of will and perseverance would present itself to me.

more to follow...